Anger

When I'm angry I lash out, period

And when I'm angry at you for something you did or said, I lash out at you. And you don't accept I talk to you that way

Sounds like a problem, right?

I am a very proud woman.. which you like.. and its not a direct conflict with being submissive to you until its directed at you... because of something you've done or said.. and don't tell me that the solution is easy: just not to direct it at you... because I'm not just your submissive right? There is a part there where its an equal relationship...

And somehow it all leads back to the same line of questioning I sometimes find myself doing.. questioning my submission to begin with..

I am your submissive.. should I just be a sub?
But I'm not just a sub right?  I am more than that... its not just a Dom-sub relationship.. there's more aspects in there than that..
But does "more" contradict with being a sub?
Is being submissive  just occasional now and being the "more" is more of the daily life?

Was I ever a sub?

I don't have answers

Threesome!

What better post after such a long time than a juicy post about threesomes...

Just to be clear, 2 girls and 1 boy.. goes without saying...

Now how would it go?

Like this maybe... with everybody getting piece of the action? Seams so staged though... don't seam real at all.. just paused for the picture

This one is more plausible, but still it doesn't tick for me

Now this is more like it.. Yep definitely does it for me.. me the girl in the middle.. I've been told before that the trick about a threesome is not to be the third person but get right in the action.. so middle girl definitely works

Then again, being more realistic.. I would probably be the girl in the bra...

Its all about the mindset

Comparing the last two sessions together, the further one I was so into taking in a challenge. Not being a wimp. Going for it and taking whatever is delivered. "I'm strong, I can take this".. And I did

The more recent one was completely different.. same position.. shorter session.. but I was not in the correct mindset.. In my head I was screaming "no no no no no" from the start... and once it started I was bawling like a child...

You can argue it wasn't the same severity.. I still think it wasn't the same mindset..

A threesome? I think its the same concept for me. Its all about the mindset.

I had to correct so many typing errors. I'm so drunk

I'm no wimp!

We were watching some canning videos.. those foreign language ones where they keep canning the girls until they're all puffed up with blue and purple lines. And in a moment of bravado I announced "let's try it"

To be honest I knew it would never get to the point where it was in those videos or even close to it. But it was more about taking it harder than before. And I did. And I kept the objections and the whining to a minimum. Took a lot of control and put me in a very different mindset. Definitely will go for it again. And what made me very proud of myself is that I took the canning in my least favorite position, Legs up. Hey wait a minute... those girls in the videos were bent down... how come I was legs up? *Pout* *Pout* *Pout*.  Should've taken a clue from the "see, they're not objecting to where they're being hit"

Just to be clear about the furniture issue

The whole episode about "don't talk, don't give opinion, just obey, you are furniture" was just a temporary thing.. I was too annoying beyond the normal and he needed to shut me up I guess.. which somehow I didn't get at all at that time (that it was a temporary thing) and had all that drama about it the other day (not kidding it was a full day of intense drama)... I'm a drama queen, I feed on these things.. you really need to be very specific around me about these issues

To be honest the "obey" part I have no trouble with.. the "talk" part is not a major bummer either...

The "don't give opinion" part was the killer... I have to sound my opinion.... I have a lot to say about anything and everything.. And I do believe I make pretty good arguments and my opinion is worth listening to (I'm not kidding, it is).. and not to express my opinions and argue for them is, well, somehow a death sentence. Literally sometimes I need to say a comment or I feel its held in my throat.. I'm going to walk around annoyed with it all day until it comes out..

I do know I'm treading on very thin ice here.. holding my tongue is an ongoing challenge... but I guess I will figure it out...

To Be Tied or Not To Be Tied

So there I am, infront of the new bamboo frame that He had ordered (tailor made)... and only my neck is loosely attached to the frame..  what? no hands tied to the frame? 

And I had to keep them out of the way with my own free will.. Not easy... had to take my hand away at the right time before the whip caught it (it did catch it once, smarted like hell)... but to avoid this happening with the cane I actually managed not to reach back at all when the cane was used... fear of the cane is not to be underestimated

Lots of laughs and was such a turn on

More to tell about that day later

What's a sub? Confused

What's a sub? Is it a piece of furniture?

If that's the case I don't want to be one...

I understand the whole concept of obeying, but there's a difference between obeying and feeling stamped on. I can't obey when I feel you demand it just to put your plans first and mine last. A legitimate excuse to put me in second place. Why should your plans be upheld and mine be crushed? Because you're Dom and you get to decide and demand obedience. It is your right as a Dom. But does this mean I always have to settle for second place? Maybe a sub's place is always second place. Does this mean I have to say "yes sir" and obey even if I feel crushed? I don't wanna feel crushed. Maybe I wanna be equal in some things. Maybe if I plan something 2 days ahead you don't get to cancel it because you felt like doing something else. I don't wanna take it and smile and say "yes sir" and be enthusiastic about whatever other plans you have. If that's what it takes to be sub then maybe I'm not a sub.

I'm not a piece of furniture, that i know for sure