Corner Time

when we are in the new office you can send me to the corner if I'm too feisty.. I just came twice thinking about the possibilities

I'm Horny

I'm horny and it sucks that you're sick so we cant do this today

Playful You

Couple of weeks ago when we were home, you turned on your stomach, arms under your head, smiled and said you probably won't leave and that you're hungry and we should get something to eat and spend the night

For a certain reason I cannot forget your playfully smiling face when you did that and that image pops in my mind when I think of you

Vulnerable

This is probably my most favorite position ever.. ass high in the air.. face buried in the ground... and you take possession of me.. touching  me when you want.. hitting me when you want.. patting my back.. touching my pussy... and I'm  closing my eyes feeling the different sensations.. electricity going through my body.. my whole body on the edge.. craving more.. begging for more.. and I came with a hand that was not mine :)

P.S. believe it or not finding a picture was not that easy.. I wish I could find someone with more meat on her bones and still reflected what I wanted.. I didn't want any pictures with the girl having a smug smile on her face or a wild inviting look.. I was looking for something to reflect a serene feeling.. because that's how I felt.. serene, peaceful, submissive

Anger

When I'm angry I lash out, period

And when I'm angry at you for something you did or said, I lash out at you. And you don't accept I talk to you that way

Sounds like a problem, right?

I am a very proud woman.. which you like.. and its not a direct conflict with being submissive to you until its directed at you... because of something you've done or said.. and don't tell me that the solution is easy: just not to direct it at you... because I'm not just your submissive right? There is a part there where its an equal relationship...

And somehow it all leads back to the same line of questioning I sometimes find myself doing.. questioning my submission to begin with..

I am your submissive.. should I just be a sub?
But I'm not just a sub right?  I am more than that... its not just a Dom-sub relationship.. there's more aspects in there than that..
But does "more" contradict with being a sub?
Is being submissive  just occasional now and being the "more" is more of the daily life?

Was I ever a sub?

I don't have answers

Threesome!

What better post after such a long time than a juicy post about threesomes...

Just to be clear, 2 girls and 1 boy.. goes without saying...

Now how would it go?

Like this maybe... with everybody getting piece of the action? Seams so staged though... don't seam real at all.. just paused for the picture

This one is more plausible, but still it doesn't tick for me

Now this is more like it.. Yep definitely does it for me.. me the girl in the middle.. I've been told before that the trick about a threesome is not to be the third person but get right in the action.. so middle girl definitely works

Then again, being more realistic.. I would probably be the girl in the bra...

Its all about the mindset

Comparing the last two sessions together, the further one I was so into taking in a challenge. Not being a wimp. Going for it and taking whatever is delivered. "I'm strong, I can take this".. And I did

The more recent one was completely different.. same position.. shorter session.. but I was not in the correct mindset.. In my head I was screaming "no no no no no" from the start... and once it started I was bawling like a child...

You can argue it wasn't the same severity.. I still think it wasn't the same mindset..

A threesome? I think its the same concept for me. Its all about the mindset.

I had to correct so many typing errors. I'm so drunk

I'm no wimp!

We were watching some canning videos.. those foreign language ones where they keep canning the girls until they're all puffed up with blue and purple lines. And in a moment of bravado I announced "let's try it"

To be honest I knew it would never get to the point where it was in those videos or even close to it. But it was more about taking it harder than before. And I did. And I kept the objections and the whining to a minimum. Took a lot of control and put me in a very different mindset. Definitely will go for it again. And what made me very proud of myself is that I took the canning in my least favorite position, Legs up. Hey wait a minute... those girls in the videos were bent down... how come I was legs up? *Pout* *Pout* *Pout*.  Should've taken a clue from the "see, they're not objecting to where they're being hit"

Just to be clear about the furniture issue

The whole episode about "don't talk, don't give opinion, just obey, you are furniture" was just a temporary thing.. I was too annoying beyond the normal and he needed to shut me up I guess.. which somehow I didn't get at all at that time (that it was a temporary thing) and had all that drama about it the other day (not kidding it was a full day of intense drama)... I'm a drama queen, I feed on these things.. you really need to be very specific around me about these issues

To be honest the "obey" part I have no trouble with.. the "talk" part is not a major bummer either...

The "don't give opinion" part was the killer... I have to sound my opinion.... I have a lot to say about anything and everything.. And I do believe I make pretty good arguments and my opinion is worth listening to (I'm not kidding, it is).. and not to express my opinions and argue for them is, well, somehow a death sentence. Literally sometimes I need to say a comment or I feel its held in my throat.. I'm going to walk around annoyed with it all day until it comes out..

I do know I'm treading on very thin ice here.. holding my tongue is an ongoing challenge... but I guess I will figure it out...

To Be Tied or Not To Be Tied

So there I am, infront of the new bamboo frame that He had ordered (tailor made)... and only my neck is loosely attached to the frame..  what? no hands tied to the frame? 

And I had to keep them out of the way with my own free will.. Not easy... had to take my hand away at the right time before the whip caught it (it did catch it once, smarted like hell)... but to avoid this happening with the cane I actually managed not to reach back at all when the cane was used... fear of the cane is not to be underestimated

Lots of laughs and was such a turn on

More to tell about that day later

What's a sub? Confused

What's a sub? Is it a piece of furniture?

If that's the case I don't want to be one...

I understand the whole concept of obeying, but there's a difference between obeying and feeling stamped on. I can't obey when I feel you demand it just to put your plans first and mine last. A legitimate excuse to put me in second place. Why should your plans be upheld and mine be crushed? Because you're Dom and you get to decide and demand obedience. It is your right as a Dom. But does this mean I always have to settle for second place? Maybe a sub's place is always second place. Does this mean I have to say "yes sir" and obey even if I feel crushed? I don't wanna feel crushed. Maybe I wanna be equal in some things. Maybe if I plan something 2 days ahead you don't get to cancel it because you felt like doing something else. I don't wanna take it and smile and say "yes sir" and be enthusiastic about whatever other plans you have. If that's what it takes to be sub then maybe I'm not a sub.

I'm not a piece of furniture, that i know for sure

30 Days of Submission Challenge

Its a list of 30 questions about submission, and everyday you answer a specific question. I'm going to be doing this for the next 30 days.

I've seen this around the web many times before, but I haven't even read the questions. I was not interested... in the past I was only intrigued and fantisizing about this lifestyle. But not now...  today as soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted to do this. Now I'm a real sub and lately I've been stumbling a lot in definitions.

So I'm doing this challenge for me... to discover more about myself.

 

Pain and Tears 2

Sometime ago I wrote this post (link) about not crying during a session.. well its not true anymore, I've been crying a lot during sessions lately..

The most I have cried had to be in a session similar to the below picture.. except my hands were tied to my ankles and a bar was pressed behind my knees.. The cane was concentrating mostly on "sit area" and upper thighs
It was a punishment session.. I was rude for a week so I guess I had it coming.. I didn't expect it would be this severe and maybe the guilt factor was playing its part as well.. I appreciated the long hug I got afterwards and it came with a lot of tears and a sincere apology.. it was a first

After that I didn't shy about crying.. the other day I was crying during a session just to release stress rather than crying from pain.. its a nice reset button

Human foot mat

When I wrote the previous post I didn't think that it will lead to this...

Here I was sleeping on my back on the floor.. his two feet resting on me... "resting" doesn't quite cut it... gagging my mouth at times.. on my throat at others.. pressing down my breasts and tummy..

To be honest, I was more than a little defiant in the morning... openly challenging if you may... and he did promise me "this evening you will cry"...

And I did

Humbled

Keep me kneeling down....
Keep me at your feet... that's where I belong... that's where I want to stay for the rest of my life
It makes me feel at peace.. no worry in the world... I'm being taken care of

On a totally different note LOVE LOVE LOVE her hair

A day to remember - Squirting

August 28

I was having a long orgasm.. very intense... it felt as if it was going through my whole body.. then I felt liquid.. liquid?? For a second there I thought I peed and I was mortified... then it suddenly hit me.. omg omg omg I'm actually squirting... I remember  he said "don't stop" and I was thinking "honey I absolutely have no control over this?"

I never thought that one day I would be able to do this. I've always been a solo girl.. always had trouble having an orgasm with someone.. and I'm talking simple fingers to pussy orgasm. Fast forward a few months and I'm amazed at the transformation I had...Here I was on my back.. legs tied far apart to each window corner.. my hands tied behind my back.. and He is working the hitachi magic over my pussy.. and I explode!!! He made me squirt!!! I wish we caught it on camera, but we were both so amazed by the surprised we just kept staring..  I have a huge feeling of accomplishment!

Thoughts from within a session

Is it weird that I have whole conversations inside my head during a session? Let me share a bit...

So the session starts.. i'm face up.. my back flat on a bean bag ... but its not horizontal.. its inclined so that the highest part is my hips (well my pussy actually) and my head is on the floor.. my legs are forced spread apart with a spreader and my hands are tied below my head..

At this point my stream of thinking goes like this: "My back is not comfortable"..
"can't I just raise my legs so I'm more cozy?"....
"Oh I just drank Martini what if I throw up"...
"My head is bound to get light with all the blood rushing in it like this"..
"no way I will be able to stay in this position long"...
"oh my it must be quiet a view with my pussy on display like this"...

I see him approaching with a whip... I'm screaming inside my head noooooooo....
"I thought I was in a perfect position for a wonderful session with the hitachi."...
"why is there a whip?"...
" no no no I don't want the whip"...

My train of thoughts is cut short by the first lash on my poor stomach... I'm no longer concerned about my back being uncomfortable or that I want to raise my legs... I voice out my complaints, I'm not sure what I was saying, but a few seconds afterwards I was roughly gagged with a rough order to "shut up".. I was also blindfolded...

With the next set of lashes I'm back in my thoughts...
"I'm too exposed.. I'm too stretched"..
"this hurts I want it to stop"...

Then it stops... I regulate my breath.. the initial sting is fading..
"more pls.. I want more"...
"I can take this I want more"...
"why did you stop I want more"...

It restarts and stops and restarts.. interrupted by conversations... the same thoughts of "I can't take it".. "I want more" is repeated over and over

Then comes a longer pause than usual... He's at my leg restraints.. I voice out the strangest statement anyone can possibly say in this compromising position... very confidently I say:
"I Can Take More"

My subconscious screams at me.."wtf? did you just say that outloud? are you brain dead?

I count out loud 54 more lashes...

And I did get this wonderful time with the hitachi afterwards...

I sit here smiling.. 

High heels and Stockings

New rules apply... until further notice I should be in stockings and high heels during all of our sessions...

One problem.. I didn't have the mid thigh stockings, I had the ones that go all the way up to the waist... But it worked just fine... but now looking at the above picture, I know I will be buying those stockings and garter belt!

So there I was yesterday.. dressed in nothing but my sheer black pantyhose (tights)... black&white 15cms (6inches) pointy heals... a light pink anklet.. my new soft leather collar with nipple clamps attached... My new silicon blindfold and ball gag...

I stood there like a piece of decoration... waiting...

if only you knew

If only you know how much I don't wanna go

If only you know how much I want to spend every minute with you

It drives me insane  to think i will be far away

Can't i just stay here?

I don't wanna be on my own

Why are the days so crowded this week? why can't we find time to be together?

Its so not fair

Strangulation

I like it when you place your hand on my neck.. I freeze and just look at you... I like your grip strong..  I wanna kiss you passionately and long... You tighten your grip more.. I know you will never reach the point where it would affect my breathing... I hang there on the edge.. I feel my whole body respond.. I'm yours... I drip with lust