Its all about the mindset

Comparing the last two sessions together, the further one I was so into taking in a challenge. Not being a wimp. Going for it and taking whatever is delivered. "I'm strong, I can take this".. And I did

The more recent one was completely different.. same position.. shorter session.. but I was not in the correct mindset.. In my head I was screaming "no no no no no" from the start... and once it started I was bawling like a child...

You can argue it wasn't the same severity.. I still think it wasn't the same mindset..

A threesome? I think its the same concept for me. Its all about the mindset.

I had to correct so many typing errors. I'm so drunk

I'm no wimp!

We were watching some canning videos.. those foreign language ones where they keep canning the girls until they're all puffed up with blue and purple lines. And in a moment of bravado I announced "let's try it"

To be honest I knew it would never get to the point where it was in those videos or even close to it. But it was more about taking it harder than before. And I did. And I kept the objections and the whining to a minimum. Took a lot of control and put me in a very different mindset. Definitely will go for it again. And what made me very proud of myself is that I took the canning in my least favorite position, Legs up. Hey wait a minute... those girls in the videos were bent down... how come I was legs up? *Pout* *Pout* *Pout*.  Should've taken a clue from the "see, they're not objecting to where they're being hit"

Just to be clear about the furniture issue

The whole episode about "don't talk, don't give opinion, just obey, you are furniture" was just a temporary thing.. I was too annoying beyond the normal and he needed to shut me up I guess.. which somehow I didn't get at all at that time (that it was a temporary thing) and had all that drama about it the other day (not kidding it was a full day of intense drama)... I'm a drama queen, I feed on these things.. you really need to be very specific around me about these issues

To be honest the "obey" part I have no trouble with.. the "talk" part is not a major bummer either...

The "don't give opinion" part was the killer... I have to sound my opinion.... I have a lot to say about anything and everything.. And I do believe I make pretty good arguments and my opinion is worth listening to (I'm not kidding, it is).. and not to express my opinions and argue for them is, well, somehow a death sentence. Literally sometimes I need to say a comment or I feel its held in my throat.. I'm going to walk around annoyed with it all day until it comes out..

I do know I'm treading on very thin ice here.. holding my tongue is an ongoing challenge... but I guess I will figure it out...

To Be Tied or Not To Be Tied

So there I am, infront of the new bamboo frame that He had ordered (tailor made)... and only my neck is loosely attached to the frame..  what? no hands tied to the frame? 

And I had to keep them out of the way with my own free will.. Not easy... had to take my hand away at the right time before the whip caught it (it did catch it once, smarted like hell)... but to avoid this happening with the cane I actually managed not to reach back at all when the cane was used... fear of the cane is not to be underestimated

Lots of laughs and was such a turn on

More to tell about that day later

What's a sub? Confused

What's a sub? Is it a piece of furniture?

If that's the case I don't want to be one...

I understand the whole concept of obeying, but there's a difference between obeying and feeling stamped on. I can't obey when I feel you demand it just to put your plans first and mine last. A legitimate excuse to put me in second place. Why should your plans be upheld and mine be crushed? Because you're Dom and you get to decide and demand obedience. It is your right as a Dom. But does this mean I always have to settle for second place? Maybe a sub's place is always second place. Does this mean I have to say "yes sir" and obey even if I feel crushed? I don't wanna feel crushed. Maybe I wanna be equal in some things. Maybe if I plan something 2 days ahead you don't get to cancel it because you felt like doing something else. I don't wanna take it and smile and say "yes sir" and be enthusiastic about whatever other plans you have. If that's what it takes to be sub then maybe I'm not a sub.

I'm not a piece of furniture, that i know for sure

30 Days of Submission Challenge

Its a list of 30 questions about submission, and everyday you answer a specific question. I'm going to be doing this for the next 30 days.

I've seen this around the web many times before, but I haven't even read the questions. I was not interested... in the past I was only intrigued and fantisizing about this lifestyle. But not now...  today as soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted to do this. Now I'm a real sub and lately I've been stumbling a lot in definitions.

So I'm doing this challenge for me... to discover more about myself.

 

Pain and Tears 2

Sometime ago I wrote this post (link) about not crying during a session.. well its not true anymore, I've been crying a lot during sessions lately..

The most I have cried had to be in a session similar to the below picture.. except my hands were tied to my ankles and a bar was pressed behind my knees.. The cane was concentrating mostly on "sit area" and upper thighs
It was a punishment session.. I was rude for a week so I guess I had it coming.. I didn't expect it would be this severe and maybe the guilt factor was playing its part as well.. I appreciated the long hug I got afterwards and it came with a lot of tears and a sincere apology.. it was a first

After that I didn't shy about crying.. the other day I was crying during a session just to release stress rather than crying from pain.. its a nice reset button