I need to learn to use colors

I know how confusing this is.. to keep saying "I can't, I can't, I can't take it" but yet never say "red". I know that without the "red" you take it as my usual whining and keep going.. even more aggressive than before... which is actually the right thing to do. Yet I can't seam to be able to get myself to say "red"... why? I don't know. Last time it could've been dangerous to continue as my skin was inflamed by the waxing from before. Thank you for stopping. I promise I will start using my colors...