What's a sub? Confused

What's a sub? Is it a piece of furniture?

If that's the case I don't want to be one...

I understand the whole concept of obeying, but there's a difference between obeying and feeling stamped on. I can't obey when I feel you demand it just to put your plans first and mine last. A legitimate excuse to put me in second place. Why should your plans be upheld and mine be crushed? Because you're Dom and you get to decide and demand obedience. It is your right as a Dom. But does this mean I always have to settle for second place? Maybe a sub's place is always second place. Does this mean I have to say "yes sir" and obey even if I feel crushed? I don't wanna feel crushed. Maybe I wanna be equal in some things. Maybe if I plan something 2 days ahead you don't get to cancel it because you felt like doing something else. I don't wanna take it and smile and say "yes sir" and be enthusiastic about whatever other plans you have. If that's what it takes to be sub then maybe I'm not a sub.

I'm not a piece of furniture, that i know for sure

30 Days of Submission Challenge

Its a list of 30 questions about submission, and everyday you answer a specific question. I'm going to be doing this for the next 30 days.

I've seen this around the web many times before, but I haven't even read the questions. I was not interested... in the past I was only intrigued and fantisizing about this lifestyle. But not now...  today as soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted to do this. Now I'm a real sub and lately I've been stumbling a lot in definitions.

So I'm doing this challenge for me... to discover more about myself.

 

Pain and Tears 2

Sometime ago I wrote this post (link) about not crying during a session.. well its not true anymore, I've been crying a lot during sessions lately..

The most I have cried had to be in a session similar to the below picture.. except my hands were tied to my ankles and a bar was pressed behind my knees.. The cane was concentrating mostly on "sit area" and upper thighs
It was a punishment session.. I was rude for a week so I guess I had it coming.. I didn't expect it would be this severe and maybe the guilt factor was playing its part as well.. I appreciated the long hug I got afterwards and it came with a lot of tears and a sincere apology.. it was a first

After that I didn't shy about crying.. the other day I was crying during a session just to release stress rather than crying from pain.. its a nice reset button

Human foot mat

When I wrote the previous post I didn't think that it will lead to this...

Here I was sleeping on my back on the floor.. his two feet resting on me... "resting" doesn't quite cut it... gagging my mouth at times.. on my throat at others.. pressing down my breasts and tummy..

To be honest, I was more than a little defiant in the morning... openly challenging if you may... and he did promise me "this evening you will cry"...

And I did

Humbled

Keep me kneeling down....
Keep me at your feet... that's where I belong... that's where I want to stay for the rest of my life
It makes me feel at peace.. no worry in the world... I'm being taken care of

On a totally different note LOVE LOVE LOVE her hair

A day to remember - Squirting

August 28

I was having a long orgasm.. very intense... it felt as if it was going through my whole body.. then I felt liquid.. liquid?? For a second there I thought I peed and I was mortified... then it suddenly hit me.. omg omg omg I'm actually squirting... I remember  he said "don't stop" and I was thinking "honey I absolutely have no control over this?"

I never thought that one day I would be able to do this. I've always been a solo girl.. always had trouble having an orgasm with someone.. and I'm talking simple fingers to pussy orgasm. Fast forward a few months and I'm amazed at the transformation I had...Here I was on my back.. legs tied far apart to each window corner.. my hands tied behind my back.. and He is working the hitachi magic over my pussy.. and I explode!!! He made me squirt!!! I wish we caught it on camera, but we were both so amazed by the surprised we just kept staring..  I have a huge feeling of accomplishment!

Thoughts from within a session

Is it weird that I have whole conversations inside my head during a session? Let me share a bit...

So the session starts.. i'm face up.. my back flat on a bean bag ... but its not horizontal.. its inclined so that the highest part is my hips (well my pussy actually) and my head is on the floor.. my legs are forced spread apart with a spreader and my hands are tied below my head..

At this point my stream of thinking goes like this: "My back is not comfortable"..
"can't I just raise my legs so I'm more cozy?"....
"Oh I just drank Martini what if I throw up"...
"My head is bound to get light with all the blood rushing in it like this"..
"no way I will be able to stay in this position long"...
"oh my it must be quiet a view with my pussy on display like this"...

I see him approaching with a whip... I'm screaming inside my head noooooooo....
"I thought I was in a perfect position for a wonderful session with the hitachi."...
"why is there a whip?"...
" no no no I don't want the whip"...

My train of thoughts is cut short by the first lash on my poor stomach... I'm no longer concerned about my back being uncomfortable or that I want to raise my legs... I voice out my complaints, I'm not sure what I was saying, but a few seconds afterwards I was roughly gagged with a rough order to "shut up".. I was also blindfolded...

With the next set of lashes I'm back in my thoughts...
"I'm too exposed.. I'm too stretched"..
"this hurts I want it to stop"...

Then it stops... I regulate my breath.. the initial sting is fading..
"more pls.. I want more"...
"I can take this I want more"...
"why did you stop I want more"...

It restarts and stops and restarts.. interrupted by conversations... the same thoughts of "I can't take it".. "I want more" is repeated over and over

Then comes a longer pause than usual... He's at my leg restraints.. I voice out the strangest statement anyone can possibly say in this compromising position... very confidently I say:
"I Can Take More"

My subconscious screams at me.."wtf? did you just say that outloud? are you brain dead?

I count out loud 54 more lashes...

And I did get this wonderful time with the hitachi afterwards...

I sit here smiling..